with the fact that this is life. that i only have one. and that everything i do now will affect everything that i can have, i can be, and i can do in the future.
i’m just having trouble being okay with that.
I’ve realized that sometimes it’s okay to be honest with yourself and admit that your intentions about something are not as noble as they should be.
And once you’ve let yourself realize the weight of your imperfection and why you can’t stay in that state, you can let God refine and transform your heart.
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” - Matthew 13:44-46
Lately, God has been kneading my heart with this idea that faith is not a one-time thing. Believing in God is not just a get-saved-once-now-I’m-set-for-life thing.
God is not our genie. He does not exist to grant our every whim and fancy. He is our father. We are His children. What He did for us and what He continues to do for us everyday is undeserved. The treasure He hid in that field is His unending, unstoppable love, which, no matter what we do or say, is still ours to take if we want it.
So we have this freedom, right? When we believe that God, out of His unparalleled love, would suffer the pains of humanity just so that we, His people, would understand His heart for us, we are quote-on-quote free. But what does that entail?
Yes, we are free, but does that mean we can continue to do and say as we please? Yes, we are free, but does that mean we can continue to live and treat people like they don’t matter? The world looks down on Christianity, in part, because they expect something from us. They expect that if this God we speak so highly of is real, why don’t they see Him in us? Why don’t we stop and go out of our way to make someone feel loved? Why are we at the frontline when it comes to judging people’s lifestyles and letting that turn to bitterness and hatred?
God’s treasure was and always will be His love. And the man in that parable who found the treasure, reburied it, sold his belongings, and bought the rest of the field knew just how precious that was. And because he knew the worth of this treasure, there was no question that he would sell all of his belongings all for this treasure—this love.
And so it doesn’t matter how much time you spend in church. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been part of church your whole life or if you’re new to the scene. Are you willing to sell your belongings — your lifestyle, your pride, your struggles, your bitterness and anger, your hatred — for this treasure?
Not because you have to, but because in finding God’s love, you know that you don’t need those things anymore.